30 Things I’ve Learned in 30 Years
It is a gift to age.
“No.” is a complete sentence. Every no leads to your yes. Every no protects your yes.
Boundaries are as vital as oxygen. Have them and hold them. Their reaction to your boundaries is none of your business. Boundaries are the ability to love yourself and another at the exact. same. time.
There is a difference between being nice and being kind. Always be kind. Never be nice. Nice is not kind.
There’s no such thing as one-way liberation. If you want freedom, free someone. If you want to free others, free yourself.
A true sense of belonging can only be found when you are both held and free; when you can bring your full self to the table - no special editions or edited versions required. No judgment, ifs, ands, or buts. This is how you hold space for others. This is why family can be hard.
“Selfish” is a myth. Being “selfless” is exactly as it implies: existing in the absence of self. Aim to be “selfull.” No one has ever successfully poured from an empty cup - not even a drop.
Do not sit at a table, stay in a room, or remain in a relationship that requires you to abandon yourself. Yes, this includes family (see #5). Just because you share blood with someone does not mean you are bound to them. You most definitely do not have to put up with their bullsh*t.
Use your French plenty and often. It’s an indicator of intelligence and authenticity (bonus points: it also releases stress). Sometimes you just need to sigh or scream “Fuuuuuuuucccccckkkkkk” into the wind.
Watch your back. Even your family, the people we’re told are supposed to love us the most, will manipulate you, cancel you, hurt you deeply without apology, and leave you feeling like you want to return to the stardust you started as. Yes, I am speaking from experience. I almost did not survive - twice.
Manage your expectations of all the nouns in your life - people, places, and things - especially people. Stop being shocked when the people, places, and things in your life that are/is/say/does, are/is/say/does. As Dr. Maya Angelou said, “When someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time.”
Trust your gut. It’s your intuition. It knows everything and it will tell you everything if you listen. Listen. It has the power to keep you safe.
More will always be revealed. Patience is a virtue that pays in spades.
Sometimes it’s just not your apology to make (note to self: it’s okay if you realized this after you already said it). Sorry is overused and only necessary in a handful of circumstances. If you have a conscious and a sense of self-awareness, you will know when you need to say it.
Accountability matters. It doesn’t matter how many times you mess up, and you will mess up often, it matters how well you can repair. True repair has the power to change the ending of any story and create the deepest connection.
Take care of your body. You only get one. Move it and nourish it every. single. day. Not because you hate your body, want to change its shape, or punish yourself for the chocolate cake. Move and nourish your body to fill up your cup. Move and nourish your body for your 90-year-old self.
Health also includes eating the chocolate cake and taking a break from working out. Our lives are comprised of seasons and dualities. It is always both/and rather than either/or. Find freedom in two things being true at once.
If you’re a woman, have nudes. Step in front of a camera with nothing on and document your beautiful body as-is, no preparation necessary. Do it in a way that is not geared towards the male gaze. Our experience, whether we become mothers or not, is intensely physical. Our bodies were ours before we were told how they should look, before we were assaulted, before we lost our virginities, before the babies were born, before they became the lifeline for another - physically and metaphorically. Reclaim it. It is your home. Show them to no one. Frame them and hang them all over your walls. I recommend doing it at age 29, but do it at whatever age you are when you’re reading this. And do this too for your 90-year-old self. She will want to remember.
You can do it any old way you want to - your wedding, marriage, divorce, birth, parenthood, co-parenting. Life. Anything and everything. Especially the things that people have big ideas about how they should go because “that’s how it’s always been done.” It’s your f*cking life. At the end of it all, what is the story that you want to be able to tell?
All we have is our story. Own it and only share it with those who have earned the right to hear it.
The only thing we absolutely know for sure is that we’re all going to die someday - you, me, and everyone we love. Act accordingly. How do you want to spend your one wild and precious life, and who do you want to spend it with? What do you need to say?
“I love you,” isn’t said enough. Tell the people and the animals you love that you love them daily - multiple times a day. We all need the reminder.
We are wired for connection and partnership. Don’t swear it off or think it’s not for you. You too, are worthy of the deepest, requited, and world-rocking love. You will find it when you’re not looking. You’ll wonder what they mean when they say, when you know you know, until you know when you know.
You aren’t meant to be with your soulmate. Your soulmate holds a mirror up to you, showing you every part of you - the savory and not-so-savory bits, because they can see them. And you can see theirs. This is too intense of a mirror to look into every single day for you and for them. The person you’re meant to be with is the person you look forward to having coffee with in the morning and you simply ask one another, “What do you want to do today?”
You can do hard things, which is good because you will have to do many, many hard things. Marriage is choosing the person you want to do the hard things with. You can sail smooth seas with anyone, but smooth seas are rare.
Friendship is the most important ship you can board. It is the most holy union. It can feel like what church was supposed to feel like. Find good friends and be a good friend to your good friends. Vulnerability is key. See them and let them see you.
There is a distinct difference between religion and God. They are opposites. Religion shames, blames, and tames us. With God, we are the most held and free.
Extremism in any direction is toxic and lethal. Everything sits on a greyscale, the colors black and white absent.
There’s a lot that just. doesn’t. matter. Most of it, actually.
There are infinite paths to reach the same destination. And by the way, peace is the destination, not happiness.
Is it a gift to age.
Meg ~ So beautifully written. I wish I had been given this insight when I was 30. I love it!