You Just Feel

(and maybe you write a Field Note).

I forgot to send out an email newsletter for work last Monday and it was my breaking point. 

I realized it at 10:00 pm after staring at my laptop all day until I felt sick. I raised my palms to my eyelids as my elbows crash-landed onto my kitchen table and I started to feel the tears coming before I knew they were coming. They were the kind a single tissue isn’t cut out for, but without tissues in sight, my sweatshirt sleeves sufficed. 

And then came the sobs. The deep, guttural, achy kind that comes from a place you forgot you had inside of you.

I still remember when I found that place for the first time. I was five or six. My grandparents were visiting the Oregon Coast from Montana. My Grampa was a goofy guy, but also a very esteemed golf pro with the best OOTDs on any course (“outfit of the day” - for anyone else who can’t keep up with what the kids are saying these days). Being up close to golf all of my life, I’ve gathered that your sense of style is half the game. The rest is all m…