You know what I think makes it hard? - Feeling alone in your bravery. Being brave starts out as a solitary task, but it stays solitary because our stories of bravery often go unspoken. They stay hidden in the shadows, whispered into ears, and lost outside the pages.
As a words person, you’d think I’d be someone who chooses a word for the new year and has my word on New Year’s Eve, but I’m not. Instead, I’ve found myself moving through the year and seeing which word begins to speak a little louder than the rest. Sometimes I hear it in February.
Sometimes it’s September.
September has always felt like New Year’s to me anyway. Cool crisp mornings steal the show from the heat of the summer. There’s a point where summer becomes too bright, too hot, and too much anyway. September feels like a fresh start.
My word for 2024 is, you guessed it, brave. The last time I wrote to you, I told you all the ways I’ve been busy being brave. Today, I’m going to share a brave thing I did this year and then I want to hear about a brave thing you’ve done this year.
Because we are not alone in our bravery.
I think the reason I never told you about running my first 10K last October, even though it’s the thing I’ve wanted to tell you about the most, was because of the juxtaposition of accomplishing such an incredible feat against all odds, exceeding far beyond my own expectations and then coming home and not even being able to ride for a single mile, let alone two straight minutes on my stationary bike.
So, logically, I decided I was going to start training for a half marathon - because then, maybe the story I would be able to tell you is that I ran my first 10K and fast against all odds, and then I ran my first half marathon against all odds.
But the story didn’t go like that.
I signed up for a training group with one of my best girlfriends and met so many other amazing people. I’ve always loved being a runner and being around other runners because the vibes are just 👌🏻. I stuck with it for a few weeks, and then my body starting saying no. Then, I was traveling and I tried to keep up on the runs on my own but my body kept saying no.
But I really wanted to be able to tell that story. That’s the curse of the writer - we’re not sure if we’re just living and writing about our lives, or if we’re living our lives to write the stories we want to tell.
I hadn’t signed up and paid for the race yet, but the final deadline was coming up just a month before the race. I told myself that I would let whatever happen, happen before that deadline, but when the day came I would make my decision based on what my gut was telling me right then and there.
The question I kept pondering leading up to that day was: What’s braver? - Pushing through and running the race? Or, listening to my body and making the decision not. to. run? I think you know the answer, and when the day came I did too.
Not signing up for that race is one of the bravest things I’ve done this year. A month later after the race registration deadline, I watched everyone else cross the finish line. There wasn’t a medal around my neck, tears on my cheeks, and a smile on my face because I did it against all odds. But there was a renewed trust between me and my body and a sense of peace that can only come when you sit with the odds. There aren’t any medals for that, but there should be.
Now it’s your turn. Tell me about a brave thing you’ve done this year. 💫
written while listening to “Rise Up” by, absolute QUEEN, Andra Day.
Cass, you are beyond brave and I want you to know you are not alone in your bravery. I also had to do this earlier this year and it's one of the hardest things I've ever done. My voice was shaking on the call and it has likely cost me a friendship I thought I would have for life, but I would have never forgiven myself if I didn't do it. That child may not grow up seeing me as a hero in their story and I could care less because I know it was the right thing to do.
You did the right thing.
There's another really brave thing I had to do recently. In the moments leading up to my decision to be brave, I consulted one of my mentors and I want to share something she told me in that moment. She said, "Meg, are you a leader? I already know the answer, but I want to hear you say it."
"I am a leader," I replied through my tears.
"Very good. You are a leader. And what do leaders have? Integrity. We are leaders because we lead and leaders have to do really hard and responsible things like hold others accountable."
You are a leader, Cass. And it can feel sticky and lonely and you might question yourself and second-guess yourself all the way through, but that's just because not everyone is a leader. Where others might have turned their back, you didn't and it's because of people like you in this world that there is hope and goodness.
Sending you so much love and the biggest of hugs. xx
I spoke up & reported abuse. It may cost me a relationship, but it is a starting point to righting a wrong against and innocent being.
Cass, you are beyond brave and I want you to know you are not alone in your bravery. I also had to do this earlier this year and it's one of the hardest things I've ever done. My voice was shaking on the call and it has likely cost me a friendship I thought I would have for life, but I would have never forgiven myself if I didn't do it. That child may not grow up seeing me as a hero in their story and I could care less because I know it was the right thing to do.
You did the right thing.
There's another really brave thing I had to do recently. In the moments leading up to my decision to be brave, I consulted one of my mentors and I want to share something she told me in that moment. She said, "Meg, are you a leader? I already know the answer, but I want to hear you say it."
"I am a leader," I replied through my tears.
"Very good. You are a leader. And what do leaders have? Integrity. We are leaders because we lead and leaders have to do really hard and responsible things like hold others accountable."
You are a leader, Cass. And it can feel sticky and lonely and you might question yourself and second-guess yourself all the way through, but that's just because not everyone is a leader. Where others might have turned their back, you didn't and it's because of people like you in this world that there is hope and goodness.
Sending you so much love and the biggest of hugs. xx
In my mind all my Dixie Chicks are brave! You being the firstborn have always blazed the trail! So proud of you Meg!
Thank you, Mom ❤️ I love you.